Somehow I Became An Author

Life at the moment is a huge struggle. My wife and I are quite literally out of money to pay the bills. We have well over $1,000 worth of bills coming up in the next two-three weeks and about $100 to our name. Awesome, right? The worst part is, I'm still striking out when it comes to finding a job. So, I'm trying something a little different.

If you've been reading my posts from the beginning, you know that one of the reasons I started this blog was to work on my writing skills in preparation of writing my book. Initially, I wasn't expecting that to become a reality any time soon, but within the the last week or so, I've put together a basis for an entire marketing strategy to sell this book that doesn't even exist yet. I'm at a point where this is what I want to do...full-time. Of we all know the probably is, this isn't going to help us pay the bills in the least. So right now I'm feeling really anxious and nervous about what the next two-plus weeks hold. 

To try and gain some more income (outside of Rev.com and TextBroker,) I've signed up for Fiverr and figured out how to reinstate my AdSense account on YouTube, but again, it's not much. However, with Fiverr, I sold an article to a website called Meaws.com, and it was published today. The good news is, if it does well (in terms of shares, likes, etc.) they might take me on as a regular paid contributor! So I'm really holding out for that because anything that has to do with writing is exactly what I want to do.

The one other thing I'm doing is working on a Kindle book (which I may also have printed.) It's not as personal or "exciting" as the big book I'm working on, but my hope is that it sells enough where I have a steady stream of passive income coming in. All I've been doing lately is writing, which has actually hurt my YouTube career (which I need to get back to ASAP!) But, writing has been really good for me. 

As stressed out as I am about the money, and believe me it's a really bad amount of stress, nothing makes me happier than spending my days writing and marketing myself online. I've created a new author-focused website and Tumblr profile, I've update my Facebook page, Twitter profile, and YouTube channel, and basically I've been coming up with ways to get people excited about this book so it will sell better when it comes out...and it's been really fun!

So to say the least, this is a make or break time for me and my wife. I either bring in enough money to help get these bills paid doing what I'm doing now, or I don't and things start going downhill real fast. The third option is getting a job (which I am trying to find) and settle, which will yet again put my dreams on hold. The first option is the only one that will make me happy, but something tells me it's just not going to work out, and I really don't know what to do...

Positive Life Changes

Today is September 6th. It has been 40 days since I've worked for someone else. These past 5+ weeks have been quite the adventure, to say the least. I spent the first week on my honeymoon and then the next couple weeks filling out job applications. Soon after that, something happened. Something inside of me just said to calm down and take at look at the opportunity within the madness. So, I did.

For the past two weeks, I have been working part time online as an independent contractor for Rev captioning videos as well as taking on some freelance writing jobs through the site Text Broker. Due to working at home, I was able to take some time to really focus on gathering information for my book as well as concentrating on expanding my photography business. I also recently hit my one year on testosterone which meant working on my documentary as well which I have released on my YouTube channel (yes, that was a shameless plug, but check it out!) These things are what I really enjoy doing, and through doing them, not only have I felt more in control of my life, but my depression has become less crippling which has been so great.

Aside from taking control of certain aspects of my life such as these, I have also made some improvements or have taken steps to improve my overall health. I won't go into any specifics, but so far everything is going well. Just an example of one thing I'm doing is going to physical therapy regularly to hopefully end my neck and back issues that I've had for years. Working from home gives me the flexibility I need to make appointments and get stuff done.

The one downside to all of this is the pay, BUT the good news is my wife started her new job two weeks ago and her pay is more than we could have imagined. We're not sure how, but we're not complaining! Now, I do hate relying on her to pay the bills, but that is a part of marriage, and it's not like I'm making nothing. I am making something. It's just mentally and emotionally messing me up a bit, but eventually I'll be making more and we'll be back to sharing everything 50/50.

There are some drawbacks to the current situation, but overall I am 10x times happier than I was working for someone else. I set my own schedule, I have time to do the things I love, I see my wife everyday for more than five minutes at a time. and I have time to watch my favorite shows, read my favorite books, and really just relax. I think becoming unexpectedly unemployed has really become something really positive which is something I was hoping for with all of this.

Have to Start Somewhere, Right?

For years I have been wanting to write a book. It started off simple with the hopes of writing a children's book, then grew into something much more. I've always loved writing, except for school essays, but I think even the most dedicated writer's could agree on that one. An 8-10 page paper on the functions of the central nervous system isn't the most interesting material in the world, but with that being said, everything I've ever written has helped me get to where I am today. Before college, I was never the strongest writer. To be honest, getting in to heated US history fueled comment wars on Facebook actually kicked off the start of my writing skills improving. No one wants to be in a heated debate (with great facts and knowledge) and have their comments be poorly written (because then the Internet trolls comment with the ever so predictable, "come back when you know basic grammar/how to spell!") Although while we're talking about spelling, I should tell you that it's no secret that I am not the best at it. Editing tools like Grammarly are my friends, even though I ended up having to delete the Grammarly extension from Chrome due to poor performance.

Now you're probably wondering where this blog comes in to play. Well, I have a new dream. However for those who don't know me, I should give you a little bio before I proceed. To start off, I'm Joshua, a 23 year old transgender man from New Hampshire. You can call me Josh or Joshua. It doesn't matter to me at all. I have a Bachelor's degree in Communication from Southern New Hampshire University, a beautiful, loving, and supportive wife, two just over one year old cats, a job, a roof over my head, food everyday, but I also suffer from depression. In recent months it has gotten to the point where I started taking antidepressants, something I was always terrified of needing because of all the terrible side effects you hear about. The reason I'm telling you this is because my depression is literally the fuel pushing me to reach my dream.

I graduated last May (2014) and have yet to find a job in my degree field. Since graduating, I have held three jobs, none of which I have liked for more than a month at a time. I was jobless for the first month after graduation, then worked at a liquor store for about three months, then went back to Dunkin Donuts where I worked for the two previous summers, and now I'm three months into my latest job, waiting tables. I am a fairly shy, fairly socially awkward person. This is NOT my preferred type of work. Like I said, I have a degree in Communication. I would rather be sitting behind a computer screen from 9-5, Monday through Friday doing just what I'm doing right now; sitting on a social media site. I'm sure this all still seems irrelevant, but I promise it's going somewhere.

So as I was saying, right now I am waiting tables, and as much as I love the atmosphere and the majority of the people I work with, I am miserable. This is literally the hardest job to do when dealing with depression and are also socially awkward. My income is literally based on how well I interact with people. When you're suffering from depression but have to smile for a living, it's exhausting and sometimes very hard to fake. I want to find a job in my degree field, but due to my geographic location, that is proving to be ridiculously difficult. I don't want to settle just for better pay either because that's what landed me back at DD and the reason I'm now waiting tables, (yes I make more money now part time than I did nearly full time at DD.)

This is where the dream comes in. I can't find a job I want. I can't leave the job I have. I don't have a lot of money. I want to write a book on what it's like growing up transgender in New Hampshire. Now, it wasn't until 2013 that I officially connected my feelings growing up to the word transgender, but that doesn't delegitimize my experiences. I grew up never fitting in (which isn't a bad thing if it's by choice,) I never dated until college (again not a bad thing if it's by choice,) and I only had a few close friends growing up. Out of those friends, I think I only went over to two of their houses to hang out. My friends were more of the "in school" kind of friends where we would only talk between the hours of 7:30 and 2:00. Now I have a lot of close friends, and for the high school friends well, we all just talk through Facebook.

So I grew up playing baseball and softball. Five games into my freshman year of high school I got called up to be on the varsity softball team. That was what defined me for the rest of my time there up until I started doing other things with my life. I was a softball player. That's really it. Now, I am so much more, and I want to write this book 1) to get some more transgender literature out there, and 2) because I hope it'll be good enough to make me some money so I can move and start my real dream; becoming a full time transgender advocate.

Being a full time advocate isn't a wall paying career. That's where the book comes in. Right now I make videos for my YouTube channel, and that's about it, (besides managing a few Facebook groups that are barely active.) I want to travel around the U.S. and Canada and hold speaking events, maybe be part of a TED event someday. This blog is the second step after YouTube to get more transgender creativity out there. What I hope to accomplish with this blog is to get information and opinions out there as well as improve my writing skills. The timeline I have set at the moment is to at least have the book started by the end of 2015. I don't have a full timeline, but I have to start somewhere, right?