Have to Start Somewhere, Right?

For years I have been wanting to write a book. It started off simple with the hopes of writing a children's book, then grew into something much more. I've always loved writing, except for school essays, but I think even the most dedicated writer's could agree on that one. An 8-10 page paper on the functions of the central nervous system isn't the most interesting material in the world, but with that being said, everything I've ever written has helped me get to where I am today. Before college, I was never the strongest writer. To be honest, getting in to heated US history fueled comment wars on Facebook actually kicked off the start of my writing skills improving. No one wants to be in a heated debate (with great facts and knowledge) and have their comments be poorly written (because then the Internet trolls comment with the ever so predictable, "come back when you know basic grammar/how to spell!") Although while we're talking about spelling, I should tell you that it's no secret that I am not the best at it. Editing tools like Grammarly are my friends, even though I ended up having to delete the Grammarly extension from Chrome due to poor performance.

Now you're probably wondering where this blog comes in to play. Well, I have a new dream. However for those who don't know me, I should give you a little bio before I proceed. To start off, I'm Joshua, a 23 year old transgender man from New Hampshire. You can call me Josh or Joshua. It doesn't matter to me at all. I have a Bachelor's degree in Communication from Southern New Hampshire University, a beautiful, loving, and supportive wife, two just over one year old cats, a job, a roof over my head, food everyday, but I also suffer from depression. In recent months it has gotten to the point where I started taking antidepressants, something I was always terrified of needing because of all the terrible side effects you hear about. The reason I'm telling you this is because my depression is literally the fuel pushing me to reach my dream.

I graduated last May (2014) and have yet to find a job in my degree field. Since graduating, I have held three jobs, none of which I have liked for more than a month at a time. I was jobless for the first month after graduation, then worked at a liquor store for about three months, then went back to Dunkin Donuts where I worked for the two previous summers, and now I'm three months into my latest job, waiting tables. I am a fairly shy, fairly socially awkward person. This is NOT my preferred type of work. Like I said, I have a degree in Communication. I would rather be sitting behind a computer screen from 9-5, Monday through Friday doing just what I'm doing right now; sitting on a social media site. I'm sure this all still seems irrelevant, but I promise it's going somewhere.

So as I was saying, right now I am waiting tables, and as much as I love the atmosphere and the majority of the people I work with, I am miserable. This is literally the hardest job to do when dealing with depression and are also socially awkward. My income is literally based on how well I interact with people. When you're suffering from depression but have to smile for a living, it's exhausting and sometimes very hard to fake. I want to find a job in my degree field, but due to my geographic location, that is proving to be ridiculously difficult. I don't want to settle just for better pay either because that's what landed me back at DD and the reason I'm now waiting tables, (yes I make more money now part time than I did nearly full time at DD.)

This is where the dream comes in. I can't find a job I want. I can't leave the job I have. I don't have a lot of money. I want to write a book on what it's like growing up transgender in New Hampshire. Now, it wasn't until 2013 that I officially connected my feelings growing up to the word transgender, but that doesn't delegitimize my experiences. I grew up never fitting in (which isn't a bad thing if it's by choice,) I never dated until college (again not a bad thing if it's by choice,) and I only had a few close friends growing up. Out of those friends, I think I only went over to two of their houses to hang out. My friends were more of the "in school" kind of friends where we would only talk between the hours of 7:30 and 2:00. Now I have a lot of close friends, and for the high school friends well, we all just talk through Facebook.

So I grew up playing baseball and softball. Five games into my freshman year of high school I got called up to be on the varsity softball team. That was what defined me for the rest of my time there up until I started doing other things with my life. I was a softball player. That's really it. Now, I am so much more, and I want to write this book 1) to get some more transgender literature out there, and 2) because I hope it'll be good enough to make me some money so I can move and start my real dream; becoming a full time transgender advocate.

Being a full time advocate isn't a wall paying career. That's where the book comes in. Right now I make videos for my YouTube channel, and that's about it, (besides managing a few Facebook groups that are barely active.) I want to travel around the U.S. and Canada and hold speaking events, maybe be part of a TED event someday. This blog is the second step after YouTube to get more transgender creativity out there. What I hope to accomplish with this blog is to get information and opinions out there as well as improve my writing skills. The timeline I have set at the moment is to at least have the book started by the end of 2015. I don't have a full timeline, but I have to start somewhere, right?