Somehow I Became An Author

Life at the moment is a huge struggle. My wife and I are quite literally out of money to pay the bills. We have well over $1,000 worth of bills coming up in the next two-three weeks and about $100 to our name. Awesome, right? The worst part is, I'm still striking out when it comes to finding a job. So, I'm trying something a little different.

If you've been reading my posts from the beginning, you know that one of the reasons I started this blog was to work on my writing skills in preparation of writing my book. Initially, I wasn't expecting that to become a reality any time soon, but within the the last week or so, I've put together a basis for an entire marketing strategy to sell this book that doesn't even exist yet. I'm at a point where this is what I want to do...full-time. Of we all know the probably is, this isn't going to help us pay the bills in the least. So right now I'm feeling really anxious and nervous about what the next two-plus weeks hold. 

To try and gain some more income (outside of Rev.com and TextBroker,) I've signed up for Fiverr and figured out how to reinstate my AdSense account on YouTube, but again, it's not much. However, with Fiverr, I sold an article to a website called Meaws.com, and it was published today. The good news is, if it does well (in terms of shares, likes, etc.) they might take me on as a regular paid contributor! So I'm really holding out for that because anything that has to do with writing is exactly what I want to do.

The one other thing I'm doing is working on a Kindle book (which I may also have printed.) It's not as personal or "exciting" as the big book I'm working on, but my hope is that it sells enough where I have a steady stream of passive income coming in. All I've been doing lately is writing, which has actually hurt my YouTube career (which I need to get back to ASAP!) But, writing has been really good for me. 

As stressed out as I am about the money, and believe me it's a really bad amount of stress, nothing makes me happier than spending my days writing and marketing myself online. I've created a new author-focused website and Tumblr profile, I've update my Facebook page, Twitter profile, and YouTube channel, and basically I've been coming up with ways to get people excited about this book so it will sell better when it comes out...and it's been really fun!

So to say the least, this is a make or break time for me and my wife. I either bring in enough money to help get these bills paid doing what I'm doing now, or I don't and things start going downhill real fast. The third option is getting a job (which I am trying to find) and settle, which will yet again put my dreams on hold. The first option is the only one that will make me happy, but something tells me it's just not going to work out, and I really don't know what to do...

Positive Life Changes

Today is September 6th. It has been 40 days since I've worked for someone else. These past 5+ weeks have been quite the adventure, to say the least. I spent the first week on my honeymoon and then the next couple weeks filling out job applications. Soon after that, something happened. Something inside of me just said to calm down and take at look at the opportunity within the madness. So, I did.

For the past two weeks, I have been working part time online as an independent contractor for Rev captioning videos as well as taking on some freelance writing jobs through the site Text Broker. Due to working at home, I was able to take some time to really focus on gathering information for my book as well as concentrating on expanding my photography business. I also recently hit my one year on testosterone which meant working on my documentary as well which I have released on my YouTube channel (yes, that was a shameless plug, but check it out!) These things are what I really enjoy doing, and through doing them, not only have I felt more in control of my life, but my depression has become less crippling which has been so great.

Aside from taking control of certain aspects of my life such as these, I have also made some improvements or have taken steps to improve my overall health. I won't go into any specifics, but so far everything is going well. Just an example of one thing I'm doing is going to physical therapy regularly to hopefully end my neck and back issues that I've had for years. Working from home gives me the flexibility I need to make appointments and get stuff done.

The one downside to all of this is the pay, BUT the good news is my wife started her new job two weeks ago and her pay is more than we could have imagined. We're not sure how, but we're not complaining! Now, I do hate relying on her to pay the bills, but that is a part of marriage, and it's not like I'm making nothing. I am making something. It's just mentally and emotionally messing me up a bit, but eventually I'll be making more and we'll be back to sharing everything 50/50.

There are some drawbacks to the current situation, but overall I am 10x times happier than I was working for someone else. I set my own schedule, I have time to do the things I love, I see my wife everyday for more than five minutes at a time. and I have time to watch my favorite shows, read my favorite books, and really just relax. I think becoming unexpectedly unemployed has really become something really positive which is something I was hoping for with all of this.

Taking A Hard Situation And Finding Some Positivity

The other day something unexpected happened. I was sat down and told that my job performance just wasn't what it needed to be and that I could either:

1. Go through training again.
2. Interview next door.
3. Leave the company

As unexpected as this was, I did know that I wasn't the best server in the world. I just don't have the confidence and personality for it (although drunk me would probably excel greatly!) I thought about my options for the last 48 hours, and decided that this could be the opportunity I've needed to get out there and start my career. However, this still puts me in a tough spot and poses the obvious question, how am I going to pay the bills while trying to find a job in my career field?

I could have gone through training again, but training isn't going to fix my anxiety and confidence issues. I could have interviewed next door, but when I really thought about it, I didn't want to be trapped again. I have a very bad habit of taking jobs purely because I need a steady income to live. Since there's steady money coming in, I just lose all ambition to look for a job that actually requires my degree. As much as I love the place, I didn't want to do that to myself again. So, with a heavy heart, I chose the third options of leaving the company.

The good news is that there are no bad feelings between me and anyone there, including management. I just wasn't cut out for serving tables, but now I don't have a job or money to pay the bills.

I panicked and went to the unemployment office to see what my options were. I was told to file for unemployment although due to the circumstances, I doubt I will be approved. None the less, I am keeping close track of everywhere I have applied for work, and I have an orientation meeting to go over everything on August 13. I'm hoping for the best but expecting the worst. Since I am expecting to be denied, I did create a GoFundMe account with a goal of $1,000 which should be enough to hold me over until I find work again. It is really hard for me to ask for help, but I swallowed my pride and set up the campaign. I am hoping there are people out there willing to help us out, because my wife can't pay the bills alone.

The most positive aspect of all of this is that it has given me time to think about what I want in like. I stopped thinking about what would help me out now (which would be to apply to any open position anywhere,) and started thinking about what would benefit me in the long run, (applying to open positions within my intended career field.) It has also motivated the crap out of me! Just in the last 48 hours I have applied to 3 positions in my intended career field, reached out to people and created a master reference list, cleaned up my online presence (which wasn't really bad,) updated my LinkedIn profile, and updated my resume. That is more than I have done to try and find a job in my entire life (in such a short amount of time.) So all in all, this could turn out to be exactly what I needed to kick myself into gear. As stressed as I am about paying the bills, I'm proud of everything I have done within the last two days. 

It's hard struggling with depression and then losing your job, but for some reason, I have been more optimistic in the last 48 hours than I have since we graduated college, and I think that says a lot about how I'm turning this into something positive (even though I'm screaming internally about how I'm going to pay all these bills...)